


Appetites Reach All Time Highs

by DrownMeOut (DeimosEquinox)



Series: Cracking Open A Cold One With the Boys [3]
Category: DRAMAtical Murder (Visual Novel)
Genre: And pickles, But ya'll already know, COACOWTB 1000 word edition, Get it while it's hot, Gotta get the crack out of my system ig, I am obviously VERY experienced in my craft, I want you all to know this happens every time, I wrote this when I was supposed to be writing something serious, Like, M/M, Mature for language and mention of bodily fluids, My boy Pepsi™, When I was typing that 'my first fanfic' came up, Yum, crackfic, don't do drugs, excuse you, just kidding, thank you very much, um
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-04 04:19:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11547345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeimosEquinox/pseuds/DrownMeOut
Summary: Sly learns that he and Trip are kindred spirits.





	Appetites Reach All Time Highs

"Trip, can you get me something to drink?" I ask. 

"Sure, but all we have is Pepsi-" 

"Can I get a Pepsi-" 

We say this in unison. I tear up with the realization that Trip and I must be closer than we think. This must be some kind of deep connection, touching our heart chakras. We could be indigo children all this time without realizing it. It's like we're soulmates, but without the 'mates' part. 

Soul. 

We are soul. 

"Here." Trip hands me the Pepsi. 

"Thanks." 

"Welcome." 

The door opens and I drop my Pepsi, watching it spill all over the couch. 

Everything feels like it's happening in slow motion. 

Ren jumps onto the back of the couch. 

Virus screams my name. 

The can hits the couch, bounces, and crashes to the floor. The sizzle of the soda and the clack of the can become a crescendo. They're all I can hear. 

I collapse. 

***

Everything is blurry when I wake up. Things start to clear, but my hearing proves its use before my eyes. 

"Is he okay?" I can hear Virus ask. 

"I think he went into shock." Trip supplies. 

"I think his reaction was caused by the barbecue sauce." Ren says. 

I groan. I can feel Ren, who's sitting on my chest, perk up. 

"Aoba! You are awake!" 

"I feel wet, and... Sticky. Gross." 

"Possibly from your spilt beverage." 

"Ren, it's too soon!" Trip says. 

"My... Spilt beverage? What do you mean?" 

"Your Pepsi, Sly." 

I pass out again. 

***

"Slyyyy." 

I slowly lift my head from the pillows. Koujaku smiles at me, brushing my bangs away from my face. 

"Hey, sleepy head. How do you feel?" 

"Kind of upset. Can you get me a Pepsi?" 

"I can ask Trip." 

"Please." 

I find peace in being snuggled up against Koujaku with a Pepsi in my hand. It feels...

Natural like this.

I take a sip. 

Ren curls up against Koujaku's shoulder, adding to the content atmosphere in the room. 

That is, until the Wine Mom™ decides to step in. 

"Glad to see you're finally awake." 

"No you're not." 

"You're right, I'm not. Do you mind telling me why you spilled Pepsi all over my leather couch?" 

"Because you threw the door open and knocked it from my hands." 

"I did not!" 

"And then he went on a rant about how unhealthy it is." I tell Koujaku. Whether or not it's a lie...

Well, anything to get Virus out of my room. 

"He took me from my one true love!" I wail.

Koujaku gives me a look. 

"Other than you." I kiss his nose. 

Virus huffs, leaving the room. I play with Ren's fur. 

Later, I'm helping Trip cook in the kitchen. 

We were trying to make it up to Virus by making him a home cooked meal, but we didn't have a lot of the things we were supposed to, so we decided to substitute. 

I think it's going pretty good. 

"Hey Sly, can you open this?" Trip asks, handing me a jar of pickles. 

"What are they for?" 

"I'm substituting fish with pickles." 

"Ooh, you're smart!" I throw the jar against the wall. It breaks, spilling all over the floor. 

I can hear Koujaku groan from the living room. 

"Why did you do that?" Trip purses his lips. 

"To open it. Besides, you should always wash your vegetables before cooking with them!" 

ProTip: That includes mushrooms. 

That I forgot to wash. 

Looks like only Virus is eating tonight. 

When Virus does come home, he sniffs and walks over to us. 

"Why does it smell like pickles in here?" 

"We were cooking with pickles." I reply. 

"Good one." Trip says. 

We high five. 

"So what is that on the floor?" 

"The floor always looks like that." 

"Yeah." Trip adds. I elbow him in the ribs. 

"No, it doesn't. Is that pickle juice?" 

Virus sounds like he's scolding four year olds. I don't like it, but I don't think he'll kill four year olds, so we might be okay. 

Emphasis on 'might.' 

"No. Ren peed on the floor." I lie. 

"Yeah." Trip supplies. I nod. 

"Ren peed on the floor." 

"Yeah." 

"Yeah." 

He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I doubt Ren peed on the floor. Just... Clean it up." 

"Wow, why don't you ever clean pee?" I scoff. "Pickle pee is the worst." 

"Yeah." Trip pauses. "Bet you've never had pickle pee." 

"I... Can't say I have? Just clean this up." 

"Take responsibility for yourself, Virus." 

"Yeah." 

"I didn't make this mess!" 

"Yeah you did." Trip and I say in unison. 

Kindred.   
Spirits. 

When Virus doesn't say anything, I hold up our sushi. "We made dinner!" 

"Oh. How kind of you." He looks skeptical. I set the plate on the counter. 

"Well, Koujaku and I are going for takeout. So... Enjoy dinner!" I tell Virus. 

"We are?" Koujaku asks loudly as I cross into the living room. I elbow him in the ribs. 

***

Okay, so cooking might not be the best thing for me. 

Or any of us. 

Virus has a stomach bug and is blaming it on us. 

Which, is total bullshit. I pulled that chicken out at 164 degrees fahrenheit. I know what I'm doing. 

Noiz comes over, laying on the couch with his feet in Trip's lap. I lay on the floor and Koujaku sits on the couch next to Welter. 

"I'm bored." I announce. 

"Hi bored, I'm Noiz." 

"Ren, go rip his piercings out." 

"On it." 

Koujaku nudges me with his foot. I swat at it. 

"Keep your nasty feet away from me, old man." 

"I'm not old." 

"Still. Keep your feet away." 

After about fifteen minutes, I realize why I am stuck in a bored stupor. 

"I need a Pepsi!" 

"Stop." Ren insists. "You will gain weight with the amount of-" 

"Ren, power off." 

I look at Trip pleadingly. 

He ignores me. 

I look more pleadingly. 

I think I take the cake after throwing my allmate at him. 

"Fine!" 

"Hey, speaking of which, have you seen my yellow socks? I can't find them anywhere." 

The room suddenly grows still. 

Koujaku tenses. 

Welter buries his face in his fur. 

Trip and Noiz glance at each other. 

The TV freezes. 

I lock my eyes on Trip. "What did you do with my socks?" 

"I don't know what you mean. I bet they're in the washer." 

"I think you're lying." 

"Let me get you that Pepsi." 

The room is at an awkward standstill when he leaves. I stare at Koujaku, waiting for him to crack. 

"Hey, Sly?" 

"What?" 

Trip walks back in with a two liter of Pepsi. 

"If you drink all of this in five minutes, I'll help you find your yellow socks." 

"Oh fuck yeah. Hit me." 

Koujaku groans as Noiz gets up, pulling over the trash can. 

**Author's Note:**

> I just want ya'll to know I started this at 3:34AM and finished it at 4:49AM  
> Also, I know that this is stupid and choppy but hey, so is my life, so we Gucci   
> @ Coke fans, please don't insult our superior soda and leave your comments where they belong; in the trash with your soda 
> 
> Jk all comments are welcome; I love ya'll   
> I'm going to bed now so ripperoni & goodnight


End file.
